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Bump in the Night - Sci-Fi & Fantasy
This week, I present you with six essential questions and six writing exercises. So sharpen your pencils…
What: The economy is struggling, and you are desperate to find a job. Finally, a marketing firm agrees to hire you if you can sell their latest product: an ordinary cardboard box, priced at $1,000. Obviously, this will take some creative advertising. Write a sales pitch that dresses up the ordinary box (It’s a chair that can also be used as storage! It’s remarkably unique luggage!) without lying outright, and makes the $1,000 seem like a bargain.
When: The year is 1034. You are a peasant in a small European village. One day, you wake up to find what later generations will call a Furby outside your house. What is your immediate response? What are the long term consequences of this discovery?
Where: Humans rely heavily on sight to tell us about the world, and this can show in our writing when we forget to include other sensory details. Imagine you are anywhere - a bakery, a skyscraper, mars. Describe that place in five sentences or less as you would perceive it if you were blind.
Who: Go to a place where people are talking and relaxing, like a restaurant or coffee shop. Find a group of two or more people who are having an animated conversation, but are too far away to hear. Write the dialogue and back-story to go along with their body language. Could that arguing couple actually be a CIA operative and her reluctant source?
Why: You, reader, have a terrible secret. Well, at least for the duration of this exercise. You have just killed someone, and now you’re in a public area (a mall, subway, or park are some possibilities). Write a page in first person about how you act and feel. Then write the same scene from the perspective of a curious bystander, who is trying to think of reasons for your strange behavior.
How: Fantasy and science fiction writing is often full of action. Even if you know you want to include a fight or chase scene in your story, it can be difficult to translate your vision into a step by step written version. So pick an action scene from one of your favorite movies or TV shows, watch it, and write it out as it would appear in a novel or short story for practice. This exercise works best with a video or DVD that you can pause and rewind to compare your description to the original scene.
Welcome to the Hairee Clinic for the Wolfishly Inclined.* The doctor will be in shortly. In the meantime, please feel free to review this pamphlet of frequently asked questions.
What is a werewolf?
First of all, here at the clinic we prefer the term “wolfishly inclined,” or the more technical lycanthrope, to the outdated “werewolf,” which has been shown to increase the risk of pitchfork wielding mobs in medical studies. A lycanthrope (literally “wolf-man”) is a human with the ability to shapeshift into a wolf or wolf-like creature. Rare cases of jaguar, rat, or bearish inclined variations have been documented.
Who were the first “wolfishly inclined” humans?
Reports of the wolfishly inclined date back to ancient Greece and the tale of Lycaon, who was transformed into a wolf by Zeus after attempting to serve human flesh to the gods. Lycanthropy gained popularity in the 12th century with the publication of the poem “The Romance of William and the Werewolf,” which, contrary to later beliefs, presented the wolfishly inclined in a positive light.
Where did all of this fur come from? OR Why do I suddenly crave raw meat?
The easiest way to become wolfishly inclined is to inherit the condition genetically, from your parents or grandparents. Other less common routes of contraction include drinking water from a wolf’s footprint, a bite from another patient, being born on December 24th, sleeping outside on Wednesday or Friday during summer with the moon shining on your face, being a seventh son, and dancing around naked with the fur of a wolf or a wolf skin belt.
What symptoms should I expect? OR Why am I attracted to round white objects?
Extreme restlessness or nausea usually precedes the transformation on nights with a full moon. While you are in wolf form, you may feel the urge to bite others or eat corpses. You will not have a tail, but will be otherwise indistinguishable from natural wolves. In the human phase of the condition, you may develop anxiety, weakness, depression, curved fingernails, low set ears, bristles under your tongue, a swinging stride, and eyebrows that meet at the bridge of your nose. Ask your doctor about WolfEez, a one-a-day pill that may help reduce all, some, or none of these symptoms.
What are my weaknesses?
First, the good news: unlike a vampire, you cannot be harmed by religious artifacts. A number of plants, on the other hand, may result in adverse effects, such as itching, rash, and death. These include wolfsbane, rye, mistletoe, and mountain ash. Silver and iron should be avoided at all costs.
Is there any way to cure my condition?
A few “cures” have been suggested through the ages, but none has been proven to work by rigorous peer-reviewed medical study. Exhaustion through physical exercise may alleviate some symptoms. Kneeling in one place for a hundred years holds promise. Being scolded or called three times by your Christian name has been known to result in complete remission in anecdotal cases.
How are we different from vampires?
In a number of ways. Traditionally, we have not been hated or feared to the same extent, because we do not usually intend harm to fellow humans. Sometimes we have fought as rivals with our fanged cousins. Burning of the wolfishly inclined may be indicated to prevent vampirism.
*We ask that you refrain from howling on the premise. All hairballs must be disposed of properly.
Have YOU ever wondered what death is like?
Well, today is your lucky day. But… since I can’t answer that question… Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be death itself? Oh, you haven’t? Well, here goes:
10 Questions to ask Death
Q) Why is black the symbol of death? Why don’t you wear some other color?
A) Originally, I wanted to wear my favorite color, blue. But blood stains you know! In the end, I decided that black was just more practical. Just imagine how tacky it would be to wear blood stained clothes when ever I go out to lunch with the Boogyman or Santa Clause!
Q) Why are you portrayed as a skeleton?
A) Once you see flesh die, you don’t really have the desire to eat meat anymore. The only thing that grows in the underworld are vegetables like carrots and beets that grow underground. As a kid, I didn’t eat my vegetables. So, I only eat when I really must. So, to be frank, I’m just a slightly skinnier version of Mary-Kate.
Q) Do you enjoy your job?
A) Who wants to bring death to people? It’s like being a garbage man, you don’t want to, but someone has to, and people depend on you to. Now imagine the job of the garbage man being one million times more rare… now imagine how good my pay is!
Q) Why do you always dress in rags to do your bidding?
A) No offense, but I don’t want your dead human remains on me. When I’m not at work though, I dress pretty spiffy. I’ve been known to whip out an impressively extravagant suit whenever the Tooth Fairy is present…
Q) Why do you carry a scythe? Why not a sledgehammer or something?
A) First off, you have to admit that my scythe is pretty snazzy. To be honest though, originally I wanted to use the bat I have that’s signed by Babe Ruth. In the end, I decided that scythes are better fit for the job. The bat is now reserved only for giving comas.
Q) Have you ever accidently killed the wrong person?
A) To be honest, yes I have. But when I do, it’s not my fault. You have to blame the buisness. It’s like when you book a flight. Sometimes it’s delayed or canceled, or sometimes you take an earlier flight. You’ll get on the plane eventually, because you always end up going where you’re meant to be. This is often argumented that they never got to live out their life and this is true. Once again, blame the buisness. (If you have any complaints call 1-800-UR-DYING.)
Q) How do you know which person to kill?
A) It’s all through email. I carry one of those nice phones that recieve emails. Everytime it’s someones time, my phone will beep and an address or location will show up. Then I go to that area and do my bidding. Once again, if its the wrong address, blame the buisness…
Q) How do you have time to kill all these people? Are you in two places at once?
A) Are you insane? You can’t be in two places at once! That’s nonsense talk! The underworld runs on different time than your world. In your years im billions of years old. In my years, I’m just now getting my midlife crisis!
Q) Well, even still, how do you get to each place so quickly? You can’t possibly get from New York to Hawaii fast enough!
A) Believe it or not, the undergroud society isn’t quite as crowded as yours. We can move much faster undergroud without running into people. We’ve created systems of underground tracks that are about as fast as your modern day planes. Because of the time difference, it works out fine. Although, sometimes I do have really busy days. For days like those, I borrow the remote control that’s used on the set of Click, the Adam Sandler movie. But I only need those in times of desperate measures. Like during wars.
Q) What will happen once you do eventually die? Who will be death?
A) If things with the Tooth Fairy don’t go as planned, they’ll have to hire someone new. My job has been in the family for years. And if things go my way, a child with beautiful teeth will be the next Death.
Q) Death, any last words?
Yes, thank you. I just wanted to thank you for reading. And I hope you now have a higher appreciation for my job. Don’t fear death, but don’t go looking for it either. See you in the future.
-Death.
No matter how high its mountain ranges or how vast its deserts, any world bereft of unique, living creatures will be of little interest to a reader. As a writer, the task of imagining legions of distinctive beasts can seem intimidating - but it doesn’t have to be. If you think about the process of creation like a puzzle instead of a divine act, it can become one of the most engaging and enjoyable parts of crafting a story. Below are three simple techniques that I have turned to many times when the wilds of my mind (ha!) refused to reveal the creatures lurking within.
Fusion
Creatures born from the fusion technique are so common that we have a special name for them: chimeras. The theory behind creating a chimera is straightforward - take two (or more) animals that already exist, and combine them to create something new altogether. This is one situation where you may want to play with extremes: fusing an ant and an anteater, for example, or a fish and a bird. The most interesting chimera that I have ever heard about is a plant with a flesh-eating sheep (yes, you read that correctly) where it would normally have a flower. Just to give you two more examples, the first chimera was a composite of a lion, goat, and serpent in Greek mythology, and the most famous is the sphinx, a half-woman, half-lion monster with a penchant for riddles.
Division
The opposite of fusion is, of course, the minimalist approach of division. Take an element of a living creature - a wing or an eye, perhaps - and find a way to make it stand on its own. Though less prolific than chimeras, beasts that originate from the division method can be more terrifying (floating skulls), humorous (a giant nose), or bizarre (a walking tongue??) than their composite cousins.
Evolution
This technique is the most complicated of the three, but it is also the one that can lead to the most intuitive creatures for the world they inhabit. Think of any animal - right now, my puppy is biting my feet, so let’s go with that - and place it in an unfamiliar environment. How would a puppy need to change in order to survive 5,000 feet under the sea? Would it turn dark blue to blend in with its surroundings, sprout gills or fins from its tail, or even become luminescent? What adaptations would that same puppy need to survive in the desert?
Have fun imagining the most outlandish creature you can (using one of these techniques or your own methods) and post it as a comment!
The treatment of most villains in fantasy and science-fiction - both by the author and the protagonists - is almost enough to make you feel sorry for this maligned, neglected group of lads and lasses. Here are the three of the worst grievances reported by those who have found themselves on the dark side of the Force.
Villains are People, Too
Cardboard is not frightening or provocative - and neither are two-dimensional antagonists. Just as you would take the time to meticulously plot a back-story for your hero in shining armor, so too should you consider your villain’s roots and influences and how they effect his or her actions. Every realistic villain has at least one soft spot, from the goofy (teddy bears and chocolate) to the poignant (affection for a living or dead relative). When they are not plotting nefarious schemes, your villains probably like to watch movies, play with their pets, and read books (that are not about the 101 most effective methods of medieval torture) as much as the next person.
Dark Motivations
One of the gravest mistakes an author can make is to omit a believable motivation for their primary villain. Despite B-movie indications to the contrary, no one is simply and unequivocally evil (or unequivocally good). Everyone thinks in shades of gray. Most people who commit immoral deeds believe that they are doing the right thing, at least initially. The difference between right and wrong often depends on your perspective. And no one risks time, money, and lives to do something just “because.” A trigger for your villain’s actions must exist in their past or present fears and desires.
The Evil Intelligence Paradox
All too often, I have read novels where the villain is intelligent enough to put together an army and a master plan that thwarts everyone but the protagonists, only to make ridiculous mistakes at the last minute. The final-showdown-monologue is one potent example - if you have your enemy in your grasp, don’t gloat for twenty pages, just kill them already!
Here is an exercise to help you develop empathy for your villains and make your story more effective in the process: rewrite a scene from the point of view of your antagonist, and do everything you can (while still maintaining the basic storyline) to make the reader sympathize with him or her. And if you have the opportunity, I highly recommend reading Wicked, by Gregory Maguire.
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